Kurt hands!
by Kalaki
Summary: Ever wondered what having three fingers is like? That's what the x-men are trying to find out (without Kurt knowing of course!) FINAL CHAPTER!!
1. Default Chapter

This fan fic is devoted to Sarah Gaywood. One of my closest friends and the only other person who likes the x-men as much as I do. Sarah has spent the last few months doing Kurt hands (much to the annoyance of our other friends)  
  
Hiya saz!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Kurt was doing his homework in the same way most teens who FINALLY realise that their History essay is due in tomorrow do their homework.  
  
He suddenly felt as if he was being watched and looked up to see that Kitty was staring at his hands  
  
"What?" he asked  
  
"Nothing!" Kitty replied quickly. Kurt got back down to work.  
  
'Okay,' he thought 'why did King Charles the first do so badly as king?' Kurt stopped and looked up again to see that Kitty was still staring at his hands  
  
"Kitty! What the heck are you doing?" he cried  
  
"Nothing!" Kitty protested.  
  
Kurt sighed  
  
"I'm going to finish this upstairs without so many distractions" and he teleported up to his room.  
  
Once he was gone Kitty turned to the others who had been watching this with slight interest  
  
"What do you suppose it's like having three fingers?" she asked excitedly  
  
"Almost as fun as livin' with you" Rogue replied sarcastically "Kurt feels like a freak enough of tha' time without you analysing what makes him different"  
  
"I was just, like, wondering! Sheesh!" Kitty stuck her tongue out at her room mate  
  
"Actually I wonder what that is like" said Evan thoughtfully. He held out his hand and joined his little finger and forefinger together. He then did the same thing with his index and middle finger. Evan grinned and held up his hand "Live long and prosper!" he laughed and made the star trek sign.  
  
Kitty giggled and copied him  
  
"Ohhh! That feels really weird!" she exclaimed  
  
"How can he hold a pen like this?" Evan wondered  
  
"With practise if ya get what ah mean" replied Rogue crisply  
  
"Oh, come on Rogue we're not, like, making fun of Kurt" Kitty rolled her eyes  
  
"Oh, really? 'Cuz it sure looks lahk you are" Rogue got up and left. She'd hate it if the others made fun of her not being able to touch anyone and she wasn't going to stand by and watch as the others did it to Kurt.  
  
"Ah, forget about her! She's always touchy!" Evan groaned.  
  
"Hey! If I bend my fingers they separate" complained Kitty  
  
"That's normal, you're joints might not work that way" Evan shrugged  
  
"But yours do!" she moaned  
  
"I know but that's 'cause I'm gifted" Evan said smugly  
  
"Ohhh! I know!" Kitty picked up some masking tape and cello taped her fingers together. "Ta-daaa!" she said proudly.  
  
"What are you two doing?" asked Jean as she walked in  
  
"Kurt hands" they chorused  
  
"That's a little offensive to Kurt don't you think?" she said in a patronising way  
  
"Bet you can't do it" Evan said evilly  
  
"I can too!" Jean cried "See?" she said pointedly with her (almost) three fingers.  
  
"Okay, you win. But can you bend them too?" Kitty wondered  
  
"Sure I can! There's nothing I can't do. I'm perfect!" Jean boasted but as she bent one the other two separated "I-it's just because I haven't practised!" she cried  
  
"You can't do it! You can't do it!" the other two chanted  
  
"Kitty," Jean held out her hand "give me the cello tape" 


	2. Why does this need a title?

I cannot believe how many reviews I got for such a short first chapter! Thank you soooo much! I'd love it if people sent me ideas (promise I'll mention you!)  
  
I don't own any of the characters from X-men, they are the private property of Marvel.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_**_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Jean, Evan and Kitty were having a competition to see who could write the words 'X-men' without it looking like a scrawl. They had to balance the pen in the single gap between their fingers.  
  
Kitty was the best and was managing to stop the letters from growing ten inches tall and going all over the page. Jean was very upset because they had finally found something that she couldn't do at all. Evan now had his fingers cello taped together because the girls had accused him of cheating.  
  
"I bet that typing wouldn't be this hard" complained Jean  
  
"Well then, how about we try it out on my laptop?" Kitty desperately wanted to watch Jean do something continually badly for once.  
  
Though typing was slightly easier, it was very difficult for any of them not to press three or four different keys at once  
  
"Ohhhh!" Jean cried in frustration  
  
"This is so hard!" groaned Kitty "This is so strange, it limits all the movement in my fingers" Evan looked over her shoulder  
  
"I don't think that's just because you're doing Kurt hands"  
  
"What makes you say that?" Kitty asked  
  
"Probably because you've covered your fingers with half an inch of cello tape on both hands!" Kitty blushed  
  
"Wait!!! I can do it!!" Jean screamed  
  
"Do what?" Scott suddenly put his head around the door  
  
Scott was Kurt's friend and instantly everyone put their hands behind their backs. They were having fun and didn't want to get another lecture like the one they'd had from Rogue. Besides, they HAD to do what Scott told them too. They weren't sure why, they just did.  
  
"Nothing!" Kitty squeaked  
  
"What was jean yelling about?" They others floundered for an answer  
  
"I.can. make the others do want I want them too!!!!" Jean suddenly burst out  
  
"Huh?" Scott answered  
  
"Huh?" Kitty and Evan answered  
  
"Um.yeah I had a long talk with them and they have. agreed to listen to me more often" Jean looked desperately at the others  
  
"Oh! Yeah! We sooo, didn't listen to jean, like, enough before.like" agreed Kitty throwing in an extra 'like' for good measure  
  
"Really?" Scott looked bemused "I thought you did"  
  
"Well, we didn't and if you don't mind dude we have serious bonding to do!" Evan cried  
  
"Sorry!" Scott left quickly and the others all sighed in relief  
  
"You sure you don't want me to join in?" Scott asked reappearing at the door  
  
"GO AWAY SCOTT!" the others all yelled in unison  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Homework done, Kurt leaned back in his chair  
  
'It may not be great' he thought 'but at least I finished it on time for once!' He thought about going downstairs for a second but then remembered Kitty and decided that it wasn't worth the hassle  
  
Kurt looked down at his fingers angrily  
  
"Having three fingers is such a drag!" he moaned  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
"Having three fingers is sooooooo cool!" Kitty squealed as she tried to type a letter to her parents. She wasn't correcting herself any more and laughed when she ended up with words like interrfestimng instead of interesting.  
  
Evan was trying to write his name and Jean was trying to interlock her own fingers  
  
"I can't do it unless I put them together sideways" she noticed  
  
"Kurt's fingers are different from ours" Evan shrugged  
  
"Oh, this is getting dull, would you guys take all this cello tape off me?" Jean held out her shiny hands to the others but because they had cello taped hands too they couldn't get it off her  
  
"Fine" she grumbled and went to the door "I'll get someone else to do it for me!" She stomped to the door and tried to turn the knob. Her plastic fingers just slipped off. Jean tried again but the same thing happened.  
  
"Uh, uys?"  
  
"Yes?" Evan and Kitty replied  
  
"I think we're stuck in here" 


	3. So many near misses

Authors note: Thank you to every single person who has reviewed my story.  
  
I'm relatively worried about how many of you guys have admitted that you have done Kurt hands. Therefore I don't own any of the characters or even Kurt hands. They are the trademark of all the Kurt obsessed weirdoes in the world!!!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
"Come again?" Kitty asked  
  
"We're stuck in here," Jean repeated  
  
"That can't be right!" Evan cried and leapt over to the door. He shot a few spikes at it but the door remained intact "What the-?"  
  
"That door's made out of metal Evan, most of them are" Kitty explained "I'll have to phase through, get someone to free my fingers and I'll come back and help you." Kitty ran out through the door.  
  
She was gone a few minutes before Evan suddenly thought of something]  
  
"Couldn't she have taken us out too?" He and Jean stared at each other for a few minutes  
  
"KITTY!!!" they both yelled  
  
"Wait!" Jean exclaimed, "If we yell, someone else might come in here, like Kurt" They both stopped yelling and sat in pained silence. Grumbling about how this was all Kurt's fault somehow.  
  
-@-  
  
Kitty was cursing that she didn't have any pockets to hide her fingers in. The first place she ran to was her bedroom.  
  
Rogue was sitting on her bed reading a horror novel; she didn't even look up as Kitty came in.  
  
"Bored of insultin' ya friend huh?" she asked crisply  
  
"Well...actually..." Kitty held up her fingers sheepishly.  
  
Rogue stared at her for a few minutes  
  
"You and Evan did that ta yerselves?" she asked disgustedly  
  
"NO!!" Kitty protested, "Jean did too"  
  
"That's it! Ah've had it!" Rogue yelled, "Ya have a funny way of showin' how much ya appreciate someone!"  
  
"We were... just interested" Kitty shuffled her feet "Will you please get this cello tape off me?"  
  
"No" Rogue answered simply  
  
"What?! But you have to! Jean and Evan are stuck in a room and can't get out unless someone lets them out!" Kitty cried  
  
"Well it won' be me, and I won' get that stuff off ya. Don' look at me lahk that"  
  
Kitty couldn't believe what was happening  
  
"Go ask Kurt, I hope he gets mad at all three of ya 'cause you all deserve it"  
  
Kitty couldn't ask Kurt and Scott was probably going to say the same thing as Rogue. Xavier would be disappointed and Kitty desperately didn't want that to happen. Logan believed in teamwork and accidentally making fun of someone would not put her on his favourites list.  
  
Kitty sighed  
  
"Guess, I'll have to ask the newbies then" she said  
  
"You can't, Mr McCoy took them all to the theatre" Rogue said with a sly smile  
  
Kitty stood dumbstruck for a second before leaving.  
  
'What am I going to do?' she thought desperately 'I have to get this off my hands' She looked outside through a window and had an idea.  
  
-@-  
  
Kurt was still in his room, wallowing in how ashamed he felt of his own body.  
  
Every single one of the new students had jumped, screamed or begged to be spared (in one very weird case). Kurt was still very sore from these recant episodes. He had long since accepted himself for what he looked like but everyone else still seemed to see him as a freak show.  
  
Kurt forced himself out of this dark cloud.  
  
'You're wrong' he thought 'These guys are your friends, they've accepted you.' He cheered up slightly 'Even Kitty is totally relaxed around you nowadays; you're making a mountain out of a molehill Fuzzy man. She was just lookin' at your hands, you don't even know if that's a bad thing!'  
  
Kurt laughed quietly and got off his chair and left his room. He walked to the library he looked out the window and saw Kitty next to a tree with a long stick. She appeared to be jabbing I between her fingers.  
  
'Wow, and I thought I was weird' Kurt thought before looking for Rogue  
  
-@-  
  
Kitty was trying to prise the cello tape of her fingers with a sharp stick but she'd done it too well and the stick just broke off.  
  
"What am I going to do?!" she asked out loud.  
  
Having three fingers still hadn't lost its strangeness and Kitty had a lot of fun attempting to climb a tree. Jean and Evan seemed to have been forgotten.  
  
-@-  
  
"When's she coming back?" Jean asked, severely irritated  
  
"When she does I guess" Evan shrugged  
  
"Wait! Someone's coming" Jean perked up "She must have gotten it off"  
  
"Or, it's someone else" They looked at each other and leapt behind the sofa.  
  
Kurt walked in  
  
"Rogue?"  
  
"It's Kurt!" Jean mouthed; they both looked at their hands guiltily and hid them behind their backs.  
  
Kurt looked around and noticed that Kitty had left her laptop behind. He sat down on the sofa Evan and Jean were hiding behind.  
  
Evan and Jean were terrified at what would happen if Kurt saw them they hadn't meant any harm at all. They had just been curious.  
  
They didn't want that to cost them Kurt's friendship. 


	4. Kitty in twouble

Heya!! I'm back, did you all miss me?  
  
Yeah right!!!  
  
Okay, I'm going to just get on with the story before I embarrass myself  
  
8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8  
  
"How did I manage this?" kitty asked herself  
  
She was, at present, hanging upside down from the tree she had just tried to climb. Usually she would just phase her foot through the branch or whatever she was hanging by but there was a slight problem  
  
Kitty was hanging by her shoe laces.  
  
The drop was sheer but there was one branch beneath her and if Kitty managed to untie herself she might be able to grab on to it as she fell. Kitty though, was not quite in best physical shape and the ability to reach her feet while hanging upside down was beyond her  
  
Kitty was trying to ignore the fact that she was in pain. She had hurt her foot and arm when she had twisted before she fell.  
  
"Kitty?"  
  
"Kurt?" Kitty jumped at his voice and hid her hands behind her back  
  
"Dear God! Are you all right?! I saw you from the mansion and teleported here" He was right below her now. Kitty hated the fact that he was smiling  
  
"Does this...amuse you?" She gasped angrily  
  
"Yes actually" Kurt laughed "You want any help?"  
  
"No, I'm fine...really" Kitty wriggled desperately  
  
"Are you sure?" Kurt actually looked worried about her but she didn't want any help, besides, he would see her hands.  
  
"I'm sure" Kurt looked up for a second longer before teleporting again.  
  
Kitty breathed a sigh of relief  
  
That was when her shoe lace began to snap  
  
"Uh-oh"  
  
*  
  
Jean and Evan had just about relaxed when Kurt teleported back in. Evan had to be forcefully pulled back down in the rush to get back behind the sofa.  
  
Kurt wandered around for a second, not realising that Jean and Evan were no more than a few feet away.  
  
Suddenly he tripped over something. Jean and Evan had to simultaneously shuffle backwards so that they wouldn't be seen.  
  
"What the-?" Kurt realised that he'd fallen over a roll of scotch tape (?!?!)  
  
"{You left it there?!}" Jean silently asked Evan  
  
Kurt shrugged and began to walk over to the table  
  
Jean and Evan had to shuffle the other way not to be seen this time. Half way there Kurt thought he heard something and stopped. They both stopped with him.  
  
'Something's not right here' Kurt thought. He moved backwards and heard the same scuffling he'd heard before but going the other way.  
  
He went over to the table and put the scotch tape (I'm sorry but do people really call it that?) down. The shuffling was heard again until he stopped moving  
  
"Who's there?" Kurt asked as he moved towards the sofa where the noise was coming from. Just as he was about to look over the back something long and hard swept his feet out from underneath him. Kurt hit his head hard on the floor and couldn't get up.  
  
"Quickly! Out the window!" a girl cried  
  
'I must have hit my head harder than I thought, that sounded like jean' Kurt thought. He heard the window creak open and two people left through it.  
  
"Ohh! My head!" Kurt grumbled "What just happened here?" He sat up slowly  
  
"Hey! Kurt what happened to you?" Scott ran in to help his friend  
  
"I don't know, someone was in here and attacked me"  
  
"You mean, someone was in the mansion?" Scott asked  
  
"Yeah" Scott got up  
  
"I'd better tell the professor. The mansion is under siege" He ran out quickly  
  
"Under what?! Ach! I knew I should have taken extra English lessons" Kurt sighed  
  
8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8  
  
'Maybe I should have asked Kurt for some help, he'd have found out anyway' Kitty was beginning to feel ill, she wasn't used to hanging upside down.  
  
'Just like Kurt does' she thought dryly  
  
I wasn't so bad but her left foot (which was the one she was hanging by) was really beginning to hurt  
  
She realised that her shoelaces were about to give way but she wanted that to happen so that she could grab onto the branch below her. The problem was that the branch was a long way away and she wanted to grab it, not hit it.  
  
"Help" she whispered  
  
One shoe lace snapped off completely  
  
"HELP!!" Kitty yelled "I don't want to fall! Somebody HELP!!"  
  
Right on cue her other shoelace snapped and she began to fall.  
  
Kitty had misjudged the distance between her and the branch and she couldn't reach it.  
  
"HEEEELP!!" Kitty screamed  
  
In a cloud of sulphur and brimstone she was caught and taken back to the ground  
  
"Kitty! Are you okay?!" Kurt gasped "I only just got here in time!" Kitty Jumped  
  
"Kurt! I-We-You" she floundered for something intelligent to say that would make him leave, failing that.  
  
"Look behind you!" She cried and phased behind a tree as he turned around  
  
"Kitty?" Kurt asked when he looked back to find that she was gone  
  
"What is going on today?!" he asked out loud  
  
*  
  
"You don't think we hurt him do you?" Evan asked  
  
"I don't know! It was your spike that tripped him up" Jean replied  
  
"I know, I didn't mean to hurt him"  
  
Evan and Jean were running towards the garden to hide. The window they had jumped out of had been on the third story and if it hadn't been for Jeans telepathy Scott could have scraped their remains into a pick and mix bag.  
  
Suddenly Kitty jumped out through a tree, taking them all by surprise  
  
"Ahhhhh!" they all screamed  
  
"We've got to get this stupid Scotch tape (!?!?!?) off!!" Jean yelled 


	5. Security vs the xmen

Took me ages I know. Don't own The X-men and I also don't own Kurt hands. I am simply using them as an effective story line.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Kitty, Jean and Evan were trying to figure out what to do, what made it worse was that Kurt wasn't far away  
  
"Kitty!"  
  
"We're toast" Evan moaned  
  
"Do you think that if Kurt finds out he might go back to Germany? You know, or may be his parents don't want him to be, like, insulted like this" Kitty sighed  
  
"Kitty? Where'd you go? Did you suddenly remember what I look like or something?" He laughed at his own joke but it was clear he believed what he'd just said.  
  
"That's it, I can't let him eat himself up like that" Kitty cried. She was just about to let him find her when they all heard Scott yelling out the window  
  
"Hey Kurt? Whacha' doin down there?"  
  
"Lookin' for Kitty" Kurt replied  
  
"Oh for Pete's sake Kurt, she's not gonna get lost in the garden is she?"  
  
"Well, it's big enough" Kurt said thoughtfully  
  
"Look, the professor wants to talk to you about those people who attacked you. And I'd get inside if I were you, he's putting all the security settings on"  
  
"But- Kitty!"  
  
"Kurt, she's a big girl, she can look after herself."  
  
Kurt teleported  
  
"Oh man! ALL the security settings? We are so toast," Evan groaned once he'd left  
  
"Okay, we have to get back inside the mansion. No problem, I'll just phase us through a wall" Kitty shrugged  
  
"We have to REACH the wall first" Jean pointed out "If all the security settings are on we don't stand a chance"  
  
"We have to, like, try first don't we?" Kitty asked  
  
"Yeah, I guess so" Jean said uncertainly "Well then let's go!!" She cried running out of the trees and towards a wall, Jean and Evan followed her after a seconds pause  
  
*  
  
(Two minute later)  
  
"Not one of your brighter ideas" Evan said with burnt hair  
  
"Nope" Jean choked up a leaf she had swallowed while screaming  
  
They were back in the trees, their clothes were burnt and they were covered in dirt. They looked as if they'd been dragged backwards through a dozen bushes before a load of soldiers opened fire on them.  
  
"Oh my god!" Kitty wailed  
  
"What?! Are you hurt?" Jean asked worriedly  
  
"I, like totally broke a nail!!" Kitty cried looking at her ruined cuticle  
  
"Do you want to kill her or should I?" Asked Evan, exhausted from two minutes of solid running to save his ass.  
  
"Okay so plan A just went down the drain" Jean sighed ignoring his question  
  
"Any more plans oh fearless leader?" Evan wondered sarcastically  
  
"Well," Kitty was looking at the drainpipe  
  
"Don't finish what you were about to say, I am not about to break my neck before I hit 20" Evan told her simply  
  
Kitty looked around for another plan  
  
Jean looked at her fingers, the cello tape was trapping her blood so most of her fingers were turning red and going numb.  
  
'Why did I put tape on my fingers?! Why did I put cello tape on my fingers?!' she kept on repeating this in her mind until it was just 'Cello tape....fingers.....cello tape.....fingers'  
  
*  
  
Kurt was in mid sentence when his eyes glassed over. He got up, walked to the desk, got out a roll of cello tape and wrapped both his fingers up in it tightly. He then walked back with a surprising amount of dignity and sat down.  
  
There was a moment's pause  
  
Kurt's eyes went back to normal and he looked shocked and surprised  
  
"Why did I just do that?" he wondered out loud  
  
"Precisely what I wanted to know Kurt" Professor Xavier asked trying his hardest not to laugh at Kurt's face.  
  
"It was like, someone was telling me to do it, willing me to ......." They all looked at each other with realisation  
  
"Jean!" They all yelled at the same time  
  
"Darn telepathy" Kurt muttered trying not to blush too much.  
  
Scott took out his penknife and began to pick apart the Cello tape  
  
"You get blood on my fur and I'll port you onto the roof"  
  
*  
  
"Did you guys hear something?" Jean asked  
  
"No" replied Kitty  
  
"I thought I heard someone yelling my name, probably my imagination" She shrugged  
  
"Okay, new plan" Kitty ignore Evan's groan "Evan distracts them while we get in"  
  
Evan laughed  
  
"You are kidding! I'm not putting my life on the line like that!"  
  
Kitty sighed  
  
"Fine, I'll distract them. Jean can get you in by using her telekinesis on the window"  
  
They agreed and within a minute Kitty was running back into the trees. Unfortunately her short term memory got her again when she tripped over something sharp  
  
"Like, Ow!" She cried  
  
Then Kitty had an idea, she had tripped over a knife (probably Logan's though he didn't really need one), a knife which could be used to unpick the cello tape around her fingers.  
  
It took a long time, the knife was hard to keep steady and a couple of times Kitty nearly cut her wrists but at last she managed to cut the cello tape all up one side of two of her connecting fingers  
  
'It'll be just like a plaster' she thought 'rip it off quickly and it wont hurt as much'  
  
And that is what she did  
  
"YEEEOOOOOWWWWWCCCCHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*  
  
Kurt looked up  
  
"Did you hear something?"  
  
"No" Scott replied  
  
"Never mind then" Kurt shrugged and Scott carried on working. 


	6. Showers and show downs

This took me FOREVER!! I'm so sorry!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Scott had by now created a slit up the side of the cello tape around Kurt's fingers so that it could be pulled off  
  
"It'll probably work like a plaster" he shrugged and prepared to rip it off  
  
"STOP! Do that and you'll rip most of my fur out in the process!" Kurt cried "Put it under the tap and soak it off. Only an idiot would just pull it off, that'd really REALLY hurt!" Kurt laughed at the idea  
  
"Good thing we're indoors, you wouldn't be able to soak it off inside" Scott grinned  
  
"Well, there is the fountain so that shouldn't be a problem either" Kurt shrugged and walked off to the kitchen. "I mean, it's really obvious ja?"  
  
"You're on your own man, I hate the smell of wet fur!" Scott yelled  
  
"Baby! I'm only gonna be getting my fingers wet"  
  
*  
  
Kitty was trying hard not to cry, it disgusted her to see that she'd pulled most of her skin off when she had been ripping off the cello tape.  
  
"I had no idea there was that much hair on my fingers" she said noticing the fine, downy hairs that had also been pulled out of her skin.  
  
Kitty didn't even try the other joined fingers so she now had three fingers on her right hand and four on her left (but two of them looked incredibly red and were pulsing quietly).  
  
She wished that she hadn't started this all now but it was too late, she had to keep moving. Kitty put the knife back in her pocket and got up.  
  
"Wasn't there something else I was meant to do?" she asked herself  
  
*  
  
"'I'll cover ya' she said 'don't worry about it' she said and we believed her!" Evan and Jean were resting after there second fight with the security settings  
  
"I swear, the minute I get inside I'm gonna have a bath for so long that it would make Kurt seem unhygienic!" Jean sighed.  
  
Evan laid back against the tree and took a deep breath  
  
"The minute my heart slows down I'm gonna find her and Kick her ass!" He groaned unbelievably  
  
"NOOOOO!" Jean howled  
  
"What?" Evan asked worriedly  
  
"My clothes!!" Jean practically sobbed "They're ruined!"  
  
Evan rolled his eyes  
  
"You're worse than Kitty!!"  
  
"This cost sooo much and they're my favourites!" Jean cried  
  
"Don't be so pathetic" Evan said but back-pedalled when he saw Jean's face "I mean- Damn that Kitty! But you can always buy new clothes, they were getting' kinda old anyway"  
  
Jean growled at him then she started to stare  
  
"Evan- have you, um, looked at your hair lately?" She asked  
  
"WHAT?!" Evan leapt up worriedly and went to the fountain to see his reflection  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Jean blocked her ears as Evan howled, mourning his own hair. It was now black and burnt to cinders "It looks awful!!"  
  
"Yeah, that bleach you use probably didn't help" Jean shook her head sadly "I warned you that it was flammable"  
  
"Kitty's gonna die" Evan growled  
  
"Now come on Evan, it's just hair. It'll grow back" Jean tried to talk some sense into him  
  
"What about your clothes?" Evan asked sneakily  
  
"That girls goin' down" Jean agreed  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
"ohmagod!!" Kitty suddenly gasped "I was supposed to be the decoy for Jean and Evan!!"  
  
She began to run towards where she'd last seen them. Maybe they hadn't left yet, yeah that would make sense. It'd be pretty obvious when there was a distraction going on.  
  
"Kitty?" Kurt called at her out of a window.  
  
"Um, Hi Kurt" Kitty replied nervously hiding her hands.  
  
Not fast enough though  
  
"Dear GOD!! What on earth did you do to your fingers??" Kurt cried  
  
"Umm,,,, I jammed them in a door" Kitty invented  
  
"Oh dear. You should come inside and put some ice on those. Besides, you're in danger out here"  
  
"Uh- Don't worry about me Kurt! I'm, like, terrific right now! I'm just going for a little walk" Kitty smiled happily and hurried off  
  
"Weirdo" Kurt shook his head and closed the window again.  
  
Kitty was looking around for Jean and Evan again, they weren't anywhere within range.  
  
"Evan?" She yelled "Jean??"  
  
There was absolutely no reply  
  
"This like, totally sucks" Kitty sighed and began to stomp around.  
  
She noticed that no lasers were appearing out of the ground. Kurt had probably had a quiet word with the professor who had now turned of the security settings.  
  
"Good old Kurt" She smiled and decided to try to get inside again.  
  
Sticking her head through the nearest wall was a good plan. Not checking where her head was going wasn't.  
  
And it was now in the guys shower rooms.  
  
And Logan was using the facilities.  
  
Kitty jerked her head back as fast as she could but the image wouldn't leave her. It flashed before her eyes. Oh God! Wrong choice of words!!!  
  
Kitty was trying very hard not to scream as she covered her eyes and tried to will the image of a naked Logan away from her minds eye. Her minds eye didn't feel like cooperating.  
  
"Kitty?!" She looked up and saw two very bedraggled and angry looking mutants staring at her. Evans hair was now burnt to cinders, Jean looked like she'd made her clothes with crimping scissors.  
  
"Wow, what, like, happened to you two?" Kitty asked innocently  
  
"GET HER!!" Evan yelled and together they both lunged.  
  
Kitty squealed in terror, those two looked like they were about to do anything. Even, dare she say it, MESS UP HER HAIR!!!  
  
"No!!" Kitty yelled and pushed them through the wall next to them. The same one that Kitty had been through. Keeping her eyes firmly shut Kitty phased back outside and waited.  
  
Sure enough two blood curdling screams escaped the building.  
  
"I didn't think guys could hit notes that high" Kitty said cheerfully and walked off to find a less painful way to get the cello tape off her fingers.  
  
She was walking away when she heard the sound of breaking glass. A naked Logan flew out of the shower room window and landed neatly in the fountain. He was partially unconscious but was still muttering an amazing range of curses.  
  
Not wanting to hang around Kitty quickly ran off.  
  
*  
  
Xavier looked at Jean and Evan. They were both deadly pale, Evan had a fresh black eye which actually matched his hair. Jean was shaking uncontrollably and seemed to be muttering "Soap brush" over and over again. Her clothes had worsened because her top had gone see through as it became wet.  
  
Xavier had to feel a little for them.  
  
"So, would you two care to explain this all two me?" he asked carefully. Bracing himself for the answer.  
  
Jean and Evan exchanged a look and slowly raised their hands. Charles looked at their shiny fingers and decided that probing their mind would not be a healthy choice to make.  
  
"What have you done to you hands?" he asked slowly  
  
"Um..they're just like Kurt's now" Evan muttered  
  
Xavier sighed deeply.  
  
"I think you'd better tell me everything"  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
I know this is pretty short but I wanted you guys to hav to wait until the next chapter to see how Kurt takes the news.  
  
And will Kitty EVER think of a sensible way to get the cello tape off her fingers? Find out in my next chapter!! (Which will be around soon, pwomise) 


	7. discovery and disciplin

I broke my promise, I'm reeeeeeeeally sorry! Okay guys! It's the part you've all been waiting for- the concluding chapter to Kurt hands!!!!!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Kurt was wandering around aimlessly, trying not to worry about Kitty. Her fingers looked awful, she must have jammed them in those airlock doors in the danger room.  
  
"I wonder where she is now" Kurt said out loud and decided to try and find her, she needed some ice on her hand.  
  
He was just walking past Xaviers room when he heard his name being whispered tearfully.  
  
"Aw hell. They're talking about me again" Kurt groaned and put his ear to the door. Unknown to the others, Kurt did know about the lab Logan had visited and everything else they had talked about that day. He'd been listening in the whole time, it served them right for not telling him!  
  
"We didn't want to hurt his feelings" Jean was sobbing  
  
"We were just curious" Evan said defensively  
  
"I think you have both acted immaturely and insensitively" Xavier's voice said coldly  
  
"We thought.....heck professor, I don't know what we were thinking" Evan sighed  
  
Kurt's brow creased in confusion, what was going on? What were they curious about? How had they acted insensitively?  
  
"Kurt? What are you doing?" Rogue asked walking along the corridor  
  
"Nothing!" Kurt cried stood up straight very suddenly  
  
Rogue raised an eyebrow at him and Kurt sighed deeply  
  
"Okay, maybe I am listening in on the professor talking to Jean and Evan" He blushed  
  
Rogue laughed cruelly  
  
"They are so busted!" she laughed punching the air "What're they saying? What's the professor sayin'?"  
  
"Um, that they acted immaturely and insensitively, jean sounds like she's been crying" Kurt indicated towards the door "Do you know what they did?"  
  
"Ummmmm..." Rogue looked uncomfortable "Yes- but I had nothing to do with it!" she defended herself instantly  
  
Kurt groaned  
  
"I'm going to be hurt by this aren't I?" he asked  
  
"Most probably" Rogue sighed  
  
"Great, okay" Kurt took a deep breath in and flexed a few muscles "Go"  
  
"What was that?" Rogue asked  
  
"Preparing for the emotional blow now please go" Kurt said sharply  
  
"Okay...kittyjeanandevanusedcellotapetogivethemselvesthreefingers" she said all at once "You 'aint getting' anymore outta me"  
  
"I haven't got anything out of you now! I didn't understand a word you said!" Kurt complained  
  
"Okay, I'll try again" Rogue said slower "Evan, Jean and Kitty all put cello tape around their fingers" she looked at Kurt's confused expression "You don't have a clue about what that means do you?"  
  
"Your mouth opens, words come out...yet...nothing" Kurt said sadly  
  
"They've made it so that they basically only have three digits, just like you" Rogue prepared for his reaction  
  
"That's why they've been acting so weird? Because they're imitating me?" Kurt asked  
  
"yes"  
  
There was complete silence for a second  
  
"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!" Kurt screamed with laughter while rolling around on the floor  
  
"Okay I wasn't expectin' that" Rogue muttered  
  
"Ohh! You thought I'd be all upset!" Kurt grinned  
  
"Well, ya!" She cried  
  
"I'd be upset if they were genuinely being malicious but they were just curious, they didn't set out to hurt me" Kurt sniggered "Besides, from their voices I think they've been through enough, and it's not like Xaviers not going to punish them for doing all this behind my back"  
  
Rogue took Kurt's hand and took him to a quiet area in the building, she looked around to make sure no one was listening.  
  
"What I mean is" she whispered "why not use this to your advantage?"  
  
"huh?" Kurt asked  
  
"Look, they'll be feelin' plenty guilty. The prof will want to punish them but what if YOU decided how they were punished?"  
  
A spark lit up in Kurt's eyes and he smiled cruelly  
  
"This is going to be fun" he laughed  
  
"Come on, I think we both know what you're going to do"  
  
they both ran back to Xavier's room  
  
"Ready?" Rogue asked  
  
"Wait" Kurt licked two fingers and rubbed them under his eyes giving this impression that he was on the verge of tears  
  
"You've done this before" Rogue stated  
  
"I'm an attention seeking elf, of course I've done this before" he replied  
  
Rogue opened the door dramatically, cutting Jean off mid sentence  
  
"I've told Kurt everything!" she cried "All about the tape and the teasing and how you attacked him in the living room"  
  
"That was you guys?" Kurt asked in surprise "I mean - how could you?! Life has been cru-el enough to me already! I thought you'd understand how self conscious I am!" His hand flew to his forehead and he whimpered very convincingly  
  
Of course this wouldn't work on Xavier but Kurt could see that he was hiding a smile and took that as an invitation to continue  
  
"All my life I have suffered for the way I look but I never thought - my own friends!" he buried his head in his hands as if it was all too much  
  
"We didn't mean to hurt you Kurt!" Jean practically sobbed  
  
"Yeah Crawler, we were just messin'" Evan said in a sorrowful tone "We're so sorry"  
  
"Being sorry does not return my dignity!" Kurt howled "I can barely even face you now that I know how you truly feel about me"  
  
"I DID IT!!" Kitty suddenly screamed coming in through the window "I'M SORRY! I DID IT TOO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE THE INSTITUTE KURT!!"  
  
"Leave?" Kurt asked loosing his character for a bit "Why would I leave?"  
  
"Because we were so mean" Kitty was crying now "You'll go back to Germany because your parents don't want you to stay with Kids who tease you"  
  
"I'm not going back to Germany Kitty" Kurt sighed "wait a sec, this room is on the third floor, how'd you get up here?"  
  
"With great difficulty" Kitty answered and finally heaved herself into the room "We're so sorry Kurt"  
  
"I have no doubt that you ALL are but that does not change that you lied to everyone, attacked Kurt, caused me to believe that the mansion was being attacked and managed to throw the whole institute into an uproar" Xavier said disapprovingly "Kurt, because all of this was aimed at you I will allow you to decide an appropriate punishment"  
  
"I don't mind Professor" Kurt sighed dramatically "I'll just go to my room and brood for a while" he turned to trudge sadly out of the room (Rogue even thought he was faking a limp)  
  
"Kurt!" Kitty cried "Please let us make it up to you, I mean, after we get this cello tape off"  
  
Kurt stopped and turned around  
  
"You haven't got it off yet?"  
  
"Uh," Kitty blushed "No, I ripped one lot off but it's on very tightly"  
  
"Kitty! You can phase through it!" Kurt yelled "And you could have gotten everyone else's off the same way!"  
  
Evan, Jean and Kitty both started gawping at Kurt realising that he'd just pointed out the obvious  
  
"Oh yes" Kurt carried on "And because you all went outside I'm assuming you thought you couldn't use the doors, even though Jean's telekinetic"  
  
The three winced again  
  
"And couldn't Evan have snapped his cello tape in two by popping a spike through his fingers?"  
  
"Oh.....my.....God" Evan gasped  
  
"And even if you forgot to use your powers isn't there a fountain outside that you could have used to get the cello tape off?" Kurt was enjoying this more than he should have  
  
"Uh! We are such idiots!" Jean moaned  
  
"Indeed you are but that still does not decide your punishment" Xavier sighed  
  
"Don't worry professor X, I have just the thing" Kurt grinned broadly  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
"Lemonade Kurt?" Kitty sighed  
  
"Come again Kitty? I don't think you called me by the right name" Kurt grinned laying on a sun bench with dark sunglasses.  
  
"Lemonade Kurt oh sexy elf?" Kitty said through gritted teeth  
  
"That's better and yes please" Kurt held out his glass and Kitty filled it, she was wearing a grass skirt  
  
"Hey! Watch with the fanning, you're messin' up mah hair!" Rogue complained. Jean was fanning her with palm leaves also in a grass skirt  
  
"Yes Ma'am" Jean groaned  
  
"Where's Evan?" Kurt turned to his sister  
  
"He's cleaning the gutters with a toothbrush"  
  
"In a grass skirt?" he asked hopefully  
  
"You know it" they both laughed evilly and clinked lemonade glasses  
  
Epilogue  
  
"Today I had to wash Scott's car with a paintbrush" Kitty groaned  
  
"Kurt gave me a cook book and showed me what he wanted for lunch" Jean sighed  
  
"That's not so bad" Evan said stretching  
  
"The cook book was in German" The other two made sympathetic noises  
  
"I had to clean his holowatches" Evan said and put one on, he instantly was covered with the image of a human looking Kurt  
  
"Cool, lemme have a go" Kitty giggled and tried it on "How do I look?"  
  
"Like Kurt" Jean said simply  
  
"Say, I wonder what it would be like to actually be Kurt for the day" Evan said  
  
"That'd be too cool!" Kitty laughed  
  
"Why don't we try it?" Jean said "Why not?" she asked at their confused expressions  
  
"Hmmm" Kitty said looking at the watch she was still wearing  
  
"Okay guys" Kurt said walking in "You've got two days of probation left and they're going to be fun. Guys? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's Evan doing with that rope?"  
  
Fin!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Do you guys want me to do the sequal? Feel free to ask me to do it, I've got coursework and all my other fics but I'd really enjoy doing "Kurt's not Kurt!". I'll only do it if enough people ask though. Thank you to EVERYONE who's reviewed this fic 


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